lailaenzai: I'm lost without you :(

Assalamualaikum, salam sejahtera :)

Yesterday was Mother’s Day. As most of you know, my mom passed away 6 years ago. But I have a stepmom now, so, Happy mother’s day mak ngah! My stepmom is a very nice person. She never scolds or even nags at me (sangat bertentangan dgn cerita2 drama ok). She is my dad’s cousin actually so we know her since little. I never doubted or protested when my dad told me he want to marry her. It’s good for him actually to have someone accompany him at home. After my mom died, there’s only me and my dad at home. And suddenly I learned to cook, calling my sister every afternoon asking her how to make this and that. Well of course I’m not a good cook. I always know that he missed my mom’s cook. And later he told me that I don’t need to cook, “kite makan kat luar jelah”. It’s very hard actually to be in that situation. Together we’re missing the same person.

My kelas tambahan fizik teacher used to say; “kalau ade sesuatu bende yg sedih terjadi, pastu lama2 kita dah tak sedih da, sebab ape? Sebab kita dianugerahkan lupa. “ even lupa pon ade hikmahnye.

As I grow older and leave home, and as time passed by, I forgot the sad thing. I learn to live a life without a mother. Ramai orang akan anggap, kalau perkara tu dah lama berlaku, kita dah takkan rasa sedih daa. But eventually it creates new feeling which is rindu.

No matter how hard I try to forget, the truth still hurts me. No matter how hard I try hide the pain, it still haunts me down. I try to be strong but finally I fail. It kinda hurt me yesterday when everyone else is like wishing mother’s day everywhere. And to make it worst my nyett keep bugging me to come with him to have dinner with his mother. I know that he has a good intention there but still, it’s hard. It just so hard and I don’t know how to put my words together. And that’s how I become very moody yesterday.

OK, so I know most of you never had a chance to meet my mom.

I’ll show you a picture of her. She’s the most wonderful person in my life.

I still remember she used to prepare vitamin, kismis, botol air before I go to school. And yes I was spoiled back then. She made our baju kurung herself. We don’t even have to tempah orang jahit baju raya. My school uniform, she made it herself. She’s a great cook also. I love to eat nasi minyak, and every time I went to camp or any activities overnight at school, she’ll cook for me nasi minyak before I go. And when I sick, she’ll stick to traditional remedy which is basuh kepala dengan daun bunga raya. I never see everyone else did this anymore. She is a wonderful mom and wife. She gives all the best for her family. I always thought when I get married, and have children, I wanna be like her. Mak, I’ll miss u and pray for you every day. Al-fatihah.